Showing posts with label families. Show all posts
Showing posts with label families. Show all posts

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Apple #653: Uncles

I found out today that my uncle died.  I haven't seen him in quite a few years, but I'm having trouble thinking of much else.  When I was little, our families used to get together pretty often, especially in the summer time.  Us cousins -- there were a lot of them in that family -- would do the usual kid things, like going swimming, playing board games, playing with Legos, stuff like that.  My parents & my aunt & uncle played cards, most especially Setback.



Our two families when we got together looked something like this: lots of cousins all in one place.  Now mentally insert two sets of parents, transport this image to the 1970s, and add two dogs.
(Photo from Eating Our Way Around DFW)


Over time, my cousins came to be like a second set of brothers & sisters, and my aunt & uncle were sort of like an alternate set of parents.  Then my cousins (all older than me) got married and had children of their own, and we didn't really get together much.  But I still feel that connection with their family.

So I'm sad that my uncle died.  Sad that I didn't get to go to the funeral.  Just sad.



My uncle always had a leather chair and ottoman, similar to this. He also wore a certain kind of cologne -- no idea what it was -- but his cologne and the smell of his leather chair was the scent of my uncle.
(Photo and chair & ottoman from Decorium Furniture)


Here are some things about uncles. 

  • "Uncle" comes from the Latin avunculus, which is a diminutive meaning "little grandfather."  Some people speak with a kind of teasing ridicule about their uncles, but someone who was like a grandfather, maybe not in terms of age but in terms of connection, seems very appropriate to my uncle.
  • Among Irish Catholic families, before a child is baptized, the child's uncle is often asked to be godfather.  Depending on how old-school the family was, the uncle/godfather would be the child's go-to man for advice or help in dealing with difficult situations. 
  • The phrase "cry uncle" meaning "I give up" is one of those things that nobody's entirely sure where it came from.


You know, like when that kid Farkus from A Christmas Story used to beat them up until they said Uncle.
 (Photo from someplace on a real estate site called KISS Flipping)

  • There is some speculation that it comes from an Irish word anacol, which sounds like uncle, but means "mercy, safety, protection."  The theory is that Irish immigrants used to say anacol when they got in fights and people mis-heard them and thought they were saying uncle.  This theory is among the less-favorites, but I like it anyway, for my own reasons.  I like the connection between one's uncle and the concept of mercy and safety.
  • The more widely accepted theory is that the practice goes all the way back to Ancient Roman days, when people who were faring the worst in a fight said Patrue, mi patruissime, or "Uncle, my best uncle."
  • You might be wondering why they said patruus as opposed to avunculus.  Both words mean "uncle," but a patruus is your father's brother, while the avunculus is your mother's brother.  Since males ruled the day back then -- and often now as well -- the father's brother had higher standing than the avunculus.  So to give over to someone you're willing to call equal to your father's brother means you're giving them quite a lot of respect.
  • So I think the phrase itself provides the answer: when someone has bested you in a fight, the way to get them to stop is to acknowledge that they've beaten you.  To admit, however much you may not want to, that they're better (at least in this fight) than you are.  The short way to say this is to say, "You are like my uncle to me."
  • In The Man from U.N.C.L.E., the acronym stands for "the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement. U.N.C.L.E. is an organization consisting of agents of all nationalities. It's involved in maintaining political and legal order anywhere in the world."  Sort of like the uncle of the world.


(Image from FizX Entertainment)


OK, my uncle didn't look like either of these guys.  He also didn't carry a gun like that.  But he did fight in World War II.
(Image from What Culture!)

  • Uncle Buck, the messy, inappropriate, unemployed bachelor uncle played by John Candy is another famous uncle.  Perhaps the only thing he and my uncle had in common is they both did care about the kids.  John Candy was also considered to be one of the few genuinely nice people in Hollywood. My uncle was a genuinely nice guy -- when he wasn't pulling your leg about something.
  • There's also Uncle Fester from the Addams Family, but my uncle was definitely nothing like him.  The guy who played Uncle Fester, Jackie Coogan, was more in my uncle's wheelhouse.  Coogan was a child actor in movies with Charlie Chaplin, among others.  During World War II, Coogan enlisted and served in the Air Force, where he flew troops to various campaigns, including behind Japanese lines in Burma.  For a while, he was married to Betty Grable, the actress who became the famous GI pin-up during the war.


Jackie Coogan and Spencer Tracy from, I think, The Actress, which was made in 1953.
(Photo from Classic Movie Kids)



Jackie Coogan and Betty Grable on a date in 1936.  My uncle loved to be tan.  He used to get his radio, set either to news talk radio or to a 40s jazz station, and bring it out to one of those folding lawn chairs and sit by the lake and soak up the sun.  Surprisingly, it was not skin cancer that killed him.
(Photo from flickriver)



Good-bye, Uncle Larry.  From me and Uncle Buck.
(Photo from Odios Obvios)


Sources
World Wide Words, Say (or cry) uncle
The Word Detective, Say Uncle
Wordorigins.org, say uncle
Man from U.N.C.L.E. Background and History
IMDb, John Candy Trivia
Biography.com, Jackie Coogan

Monday, May 22, 2006

Apple #172: Second Cousins and More

The other day, an intrepid young Alice Fox asked the Apple Lady the following question:

I'm visiting relatives this summer, and I'm confused by the whole first, second, third cousin thing. Also what's with once, twice, thrice removed? Can you tell us what these distinctions mean? Thanks.

The Apple Lady has wondered about these relationships herself. She has heard definitions explained before, but she can never remember what they are. So here are the answers:

  • First cousin: your aunt or uncle's child, or the child of the brother or sister of your parent's.
  • Second cousin: you have the same great-grandparent.
  • Third cousin: you and your third cousin share at least one great-great-grandparent.
  • Fourth cousin: you share at least one great-great-great-grandparent. And so on.
  • Removed: This term is used to indicate that people are from different generations.
Already this isn't helping, so I've made a family tree.


In reference to the family tree above, we'll talk about Betty, and how various people are related to her.

  • John & Mary are Betty's grandparents. Adam is Betty's uncle, or her mother's brother.
  • The children of her uncle are Bob & Bill. They are her first cousins. They share with Betty the same grandparents, John & Mary.
  • Betty's kids, Carol & Candy, are second cousins to Bob's kids, Chuck & Clark. They share the same great-grandparents, John & Mary.
  • So people are cousins of some sort when they're at the same "level," so to speak, in the family tree.
  • The "removed" term comes into play when you talk about how people are related to each other when they're at different levels of the family tree.
  • Betty is Chuck's first cousin once removed. Her grandparent is Chuck's great-grandparent. They are cousins one level away from each other in the family tree.
  • Betty is Drew's first cousin twice removed. Her grandparent is Drew's great-great-grandparent. They are cousins two levels away from each other.
  • If Carol or Candy had had children, they would be third cousins to Don & Drew, but sadly, neither Carol nor Candy gave birth.
Does that help? I feel like I've got it, finally. If you want to see another depiction of the same thing, check out Eastman's Online Genealogy Newsletter.

Here are a couple of other family-relationship terms:

  • Double first cousins: you are first cousins through two relationships, that is, you are cousins on your father's and mother's side both, since your father's sibling married your mother's sibling.
  • Half: you share only one parent. In the above tree, if John & Mary had had Alice, then gotten divorced, and John had married Matilda and then had Adam, then Alice & Adam would be half-brother and half-sister to each other.
  • Step: you are not related by blood but legally, usually by a re-marriage. Matilda would be Alice's step-mother. Alice would be Matilda's step-daughter. Mary would be Adam's step-mother. Adam would be Mary's step-son. And so on.
  • In-law: no real relationship, but you've married into somebody's family, so you've all become related to each other in law, but not in blood. As far as I can tell, the difference between "in-law" and "step" is that you get "in-laws" through a first marriage, while you get "step" relatives when there's been any marriage after the first.
Some of these distinctions are different in different countries or languages. For example, the French don't distinguish between "step" and "in-law," and Polynesians do not distinguish between cousins and siblings.

Also, the above definitions have evolved over time. If you're digging back into your family history and you come across someone described as a "cousin," that might mean something different than it does to us today.

Everyone has approximately 4 trillion 20th cousins. Which means essentially that everyone is somehow related to nearly everyone else.

Sources
Eastman's Online Genealogy Newsletter, "What is 'Second Cousin Once Removed?'" January 17, 2005.
Retracing Our Family Legacy, Definition of Family Relationships
Stan Brown, Oak Road Systems, Relationship Terms, March 29, 2006
The Free Dictionary, second cousin
Answers.com, Second cousin